drowning

i look up

to nothing,

but

endless blue

i try to 

make it back.

but,

i get pulled

further 

and further

down.

i said i tried 

to make it back,

i lied.

but,

how am i to try

when i 

don't control

the strings?

these invasive

thoughts 

of trying,

cloud my mind

as i 

continue to

sink.

i guess,

it's less like

a sink,

more like

a forceful pull

but,

i'm not 

being pulled up

oh no,

anything but.

down into

the "depths of despair".

i try,

well,

i want to try

but,

trying seems as

useful as 

putting a clean 

fork in the 

dishwasher

and, 

trying feels like

walking up 

a down 

escalator

but,

trying is all i have.

so,

i look 

back up 

seeing that

blinding blue,

and

i look down 

at nothing

but

deathly darkness 

but,

i don't

hold the strings

or

run the game.

so,

instead,

I cut the strings

I end the game

and

I lunge myself

up.

I fight

and

I fight.

but,

I struggle

feeling like 

a knight 

without

armor

or,

a shark

without

teeth.

and then,

after what seems to

be like 

years, I breathe.

emerging through

the surface,

I am free.

but,

free doesn't

mean done.

I'm nowhere 

near done.

the real battle 

has just begun

to stay

afloat

and

to live

is to try.