is all fair in love and war?

you know, 

i really loved you. 

i loved you so much that i wanted to become who you wanted. 

because you didn’t love me. 

you loved the version of me you saw would fit into your life. 

but i loved you for you. 

all i wanted was for you to love me. 

i did everything i didn’t want to do, in order to change who i was 

to fit this perfect image of me that you had and loved 

and maybe then you’d love me. 

but it was never enough, and i was never enough, and there was always more for me to change, and fix, and i was never perfect enough to be “worthy” of your love.

and that fuxking killed me - you killed me. 

i began to feel so lost, and confused, and depressed

and now, 

now that i’m in the process of finding myself again and being me. truly me. 

and loving myself - i fuxking hated myself 

you made me hate myself. 

This is me. I don’t care that you think this isn’t. I don’t care that this isn’t what you want anymore. I don’t care because I am better without you. because I am me. and because I don’t need your approval anymore.

so goodbye. 

you are someone I will never forgot for I have scars forever to remind me of you.

I never hated you and I never will. 

I wanted nothing but your love and got nothing more than your hate.